My name is Keri Hartwright, I work with parents who are impacted by the effects of intergenerational trauma to move forward and reconnect with their children. I do this through counselling. Our experiences in life shape who we are and in turn how we parent our children. If we are living in a state of constant stress or have been affected by trauma in our early lives it can directly impact the way in which we react to our children and our connection with them. The trauma of our own parents may have impacted us. Children can sense how we feel and react to situations, and this can affect their behaviour.
I have lived experience of the impact of intergenerational trauma, and how it can impact on every area of our lives including our future generations. Once we can understand how it affects us and the knock on effects it can have on our own parenting journey we can put things into place to help us navigate things in a different way. This will help break the cycle and be the change for future generations.
How can I tell if I have been affected by intergenerational trauma?
- You might find you are easily triggered by the behaviour of your young people.
- You might find that you struggle to connect with your child or young person
- Your young person may show angry behaviour which you can’t understand
- They may be quite anxious
My Story
I spent several years living in the Middle East as a child, which brought with it some really difficult experiences. Things that would affect me forever. We moved back to the UK when I was in the second year of secondary school. Desperate to make friends, I shared a painful secret with a “friend” and rumours were spreading. I wanted nothing more than to talk to my mum, but I couldn’t. My teenage years were very lonely.
I remember times when my mum would shout at me for no reason and make cutting comments out of the blue. There were a lot of amazing times with her as well, but the harsh comments would always stick in my mind. And as I got older and saw some of her interactions with her mum, I knew why she acted as she did. I also knew that I would not do the same with my own child.
As life has gone on, the effects of whatever passed between them continue to impact the whole family. Intergenerational trauma can be long lasting and devastating, but it is possible to move past it and break that chain. I knew from the minute I became a mother that I would do things differently. My daughter is the biggest light in my life.
If you feel like any of this rings true for you, perhaps you have been affected by intergenerational trauma.
How Can I rebuild the connection with my Child?
If you are suffering from past trauma, it might make you more reactive generally. You might respond to things that your child says and does in an angry way making them feel unsettled. Unprocessed trauma may have you in a state of fight or flight a lot of the time. This might heighten your emotions, and while your child may not understand how you are feeling, they will be able to feel that something is wrong. They might feel unsafe around you, or their behaviour might be more angry/naughty. This might stop a close connection from forming. As they get older, they will be less likely to come to you when things are tough.
By understanding more about how you can be affected by patterns from your past, it is possible to undo unhelpful pattern matches. Being calm, will help them feel safe around you.
If you like to explore how I can help you, clikc below for a Free No Obligation Chat
