Being the parent of a teen or tween comes with its own challenges. Your relationship with your teen will be so important to support their mental health and well-being, but why? I saw a news article in the news recently about the increase in referrals for mental health in children. It made for scary reading.
As they get a bit older it can feel a bit like we become disconnected from them. They may be permanently glued to their phone or stuck in their room. Messaging their friends all the time, and when you try to instigate conversations with them when they get home you are met with resistance or a grunt.
Here’s the thing though, most teens I have worked with really want to talk to their parents too. They want to rebuild their relationship, they just don’t know how to do it.
As parents, if we can work through the disconnect and build a stronger connection with our young person where they can share what is on their mind and gain some perspective (in the absence of their pre frontal cortex being fully functional) they will really benefit .
My own daughter worries about her friendships at school a lot, and tends to overthink things hugely. This then leads to lots of text messages asking them what she did wrong. We agreed that if this happens again, she will come to me and we can talk it through to get some perspective. When in school she goes to the pastoral lead. The other day though I was a bit stressed, so she didn’t come to me. She didn’t want to upset me, and instead dwelled on it all night. We did talk it through in the end and I let her know she can talk to me at any time.
That reassurance from someone they know, and trust can have such a positive impact on their whole day. Even if all you do is to listen without intervening. Schools can be a scary place with lots of pressure and not a lot of empathy. We as parents, can provide this ourselves. It doesn’t need to be difficult, even texting or WhatsApp Ing them can be a way of starting that conversation.
Another good way can be to attempt conversation when you are driving / walking or watching a film where they are not face to face with you. Timing is also key, if they do grunt at you, perhaps you can try to revisit the conversation at another time.
I have developed an online course, “The Essential Guide to Parenting Your Teen with confidence” which will help you build that connection and reduce conflict as well as supporting both you and your young person’s emotional well-being and growth.
How Can I Improve my Relationship with them?
- Spend some scheduled 1:1 time with them
- Encourage phone-free dinner times.
- Try to find a mutual interest, or get involved in one of theirs.
- Time your communication with them effectively
- Be aware of how you approach them and how you are feeling
Having worked with teens for many years, they are usually funny, witty and wise. With a bit of time and consistency, you can regain that connection with them to support them through the tricky times.
To try out my new course why not visit the Teen Parent Academy