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The transition or move from primary to secondary school is one of the most significant transitions in a young person’s life.
It’s a time filled with excitement, new opportunities, and inevitable challenges. As a parent, your support at this vital time can make all the difference in how your child adapts and thrives in their new environment.
Here are some things you can do to guide them through this important stage in their life.
1. Open the Lines of Communication
Transitioning to secondary school, or any transition, can make your young person feel a whole range of emotions. Your child might feel excited about some aspects of the transition, including new subjects, and anxious about others, such as making friends or the increased academic expectations.
Keeping communication open at all times is key, though this in itself can be a bit tricky. Ask them how they’re feeling about the change every now and then, and listen without judgment. Let them know it’s okay to express their worries and that you are there if they want to talk.
Tip: Start conversations casually; sometimes, timing can be significant, so if they don’t seem interested or receptive, revisit the conversation later. Or, go for a drive or a walk and talk to them then. This can make it easier for your child to open up.
2. Familiarise Them with the New Environment
Secondary schools, with many more people, can seem large and intimidating after primary school. Most schools have transition days; if they still feel uncertain, visit the school together before the term starts. These visits allow your child to get a sense of the layout, meet some of their teachers, and begin to feel more comfortable with the idea of attending. Understanding the school’s layout a little better can help reduce nerves further.
Tip: Review the school’s website together. Many schools have virtual tours, staff introductions, and resources specifically for new students and their parents.
3. Encourage Independence and Responsibility
Secondary school is when students are expected to take more responsibility for their learning and personal organisation. Help your child develop these skills by gradually giving them more independence. You can start this in the weeks leading up to school. This might include things that encourage them to manage their own time. Encourage them to pack their bag for outings, for example, and then move to pack for school. Visual prompts can help with bag packing for example. Balancing support and encouraging autonomy will prepare them for the demands of secondary school life.
Tip: Create a visual prompt list or planner together to track homework, important dates, and tasks. This visual aid can help them stay organised and can be used in several ways.
4. Stay Connected with the School
While your child is gaining independence, it’s still important to stay connected with their school. If you have any concerns, communicate them to the school early on before they escalate.
Attend relevant meetings and engage with school communications. Stay informed about your child’s progress by asking them about what they are learning.
Building a positive relationship with the school can provide valuable insights into how your child is adapting and help you address any issues that may arise.
Tip: Establish good communication networks with the school so that you can stay involved and receive support as needed. Working with the school will help ensure consistency if any issues arise
5. Support Social Connections
Friendships are a crucial part of adolescence, and they can be the subject of many conversations you have with your child; I know that they have always been a topic of discussion for me as a counsellor and school nurse.
They are crucial to your child’s happiness and success at secondary school at a time when they are trying to find their identity. Having a range of places where they have friendships is important such as extracurricular activities. If they then have trouble with friendships in school, they have others with whom to socialise. They will also meet new people with similar interests.
If your young person is anxious about making friends, discuss strategies, perhaps you might rehearse with them what they can do when meeting a new person to begin a conversation. Sometimes, social skills need to be addressed and taught rather than being something they automatically understand. Remind them that it’s okay for it to take time to find their social group and share your experiences.
Tip: Arrange playdates or outings with other children transitioning to the same school. Familiar faces on the first day can ease some of their anxieties.
6. Promote a Positive Attitude Towards Learning
Secondary school brings new subjects, teachers, and learning styles. Encourage a positive attitude towards these changes by showing interest in what your child is learning. Ask them about their favourite subjects, what they find challenging, and what they’re excited about. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and offer support when they encounter difficulties.
Tip: Staying involved in your child’s learning will help you notice if your child struggles in a particular area, allowing you to get early support.
7. Manage Expectations and Reassure Them
Schools pressure pupils to perform academically and socially, which can be overwhelming for many students. As parents, you can remind your child that it’s okay not to get everything right immediately.
Encourage them to find ways of engaging deeply with their learning and help them to identify strategies that help them get the most out of their learning.
Reassure them that secondary school is a journey and everyone will have their own route and speed, much like a train. Emphasise effort over perfection as this will encourage them to approach challenges with a growth mindset, which will help them take on more challenges.
Tip: Get them to think of other challenges they have faced and how they overcame them. Share your own experiences of overcoming challenges so they can see that other people have experiences similar to them. This may be times from your school days or adulthood, to show them that everyone struggles sometimes.
8. Look After Their Wellbeing
The physical and emotional demands of secondary school can take a toll on your child’s wellbeing. Sleep is crucial for overall well-being. Encourage a good bed time routine with screen time limited some time before they are due to settle. Try to ensure that they eat regular meals that are balanced and nutritious, it is not uncommon for young people to skip breakfast in a rush to get to school on time, meaning they go a long time without food or they resort to high sugar snacks. Even a piece of fruit or cereal bar on the way to school will give some nutrition.
Time for exercise, socialisation, and relaxation need to be included each week. Be mindful of signs of stress or anxiety, as teens tend to struggle with emotional regulation. Offer support if they seem overwhelmed. Maintaining a balance between school work, hobbies, and downtime is crucial.
Tip: Encourage activities that reduce stress, such as regular exercise, hobbies, and mindfulness or relaxation practices. Getting them into good habits when they are young will be positive for their well-being as they grow older.
Final Thoughts
Transitioning to secondary school is a significant step in your child’s development. Just as you used to put a plaster on the knee of your toddler when they were hurt and read them a bedtime story, teens still need nurturing and connection. Keeping a close connection with your young person will mean that they are more likely to come to you when they need support.
With your guidance, encouragement, and understanding, they can confidently navigate this new chapter. Remember, every child adjusts at their own pace, so be patient and supportive. By encouraging independence, and a positive outlook, you’ll be helping to lay the foundation for a more enjoyable secondary school experience.
Supporting them through this change might be challenging at times, but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your bond and watch them grow into confident and capable young people.
