Above is a well known saying. “it takes a village to raise a child”. Isolation as a new parent can be difficult to cope with. In many societies, several generations of a family will live together. This provides an instant support network for new parents. Other children are raised by the population of the village where they are born. The elder, more experienced generations will share their knowledge on parent hood with new parents, make sure they are getting fed and sleeping enough. If advice is needed, the parents have someone to turn to. If more people are present, post-natal depression will be recognised quicker. New parents will not feel isolated.
The human race was not designed to function as an island of two people or one person on their own. Becoming a parent to for the first time is a daunting experience, and one where being able to access knowledge and experience is vital, as well as someone to validate what we are doing. Child rearing practises are passed between generations.
What happens when the village is not there and isolation occurs.
In England today especially in the cities it is not uncommon for people to be a long way from their family. Parenting will be carried out by two people on their own, or a single parent in isolation from their extended family, If your extended Family live abroad this isolation is more pronounced,
The new mother might be struggling to know what to do as a parent for the first time. They may be struggling to get enough sleep or eat regular meals and they may spend a lot of time on their own. If they have questions, they don’t know where to go with them. If there is no one to talk to they may find themselves feeling lonely and isolated. They may feel some doubt or confusion. It may even affect their connection with their baby. Everyone needs reassurance that they are on the right path. It is difficult to pour from a cup that is full, if we don’t empty out some of the contents it will spill over the edge.
Connection is a vital human need, and isolation is a bigger killer than drugs and alcohol. Without anyone close to talk to people can become more stressed, with heightened cortisol levels. This in itself is bad for physical health. Raised stress hormones can put a person in a state of heightened alert, making someone more tense and anxious. Overthinking things causes someone to get stuck in a worry cycle. This affects sleep and overall mental health.
What Can we do to get some help?
There are services there to support new parents if you know where to look. Childrens centres often offer free activities like breast feeding groups, baby massage courses, weaning talks and play sessions. They may also offer parenting classes as well. There are play groups etc which you can pay for. Small businesses in your local community will offer baby massage classes, baby sensory activities and so on.
Finding other mums with babies of a similar age to spend time with can be validating, and supportive. Days as a new mum can seem quite long. It is nice to have some adult conversation at some point in the week. You will be able to share your worries with them and get their advice. Often other mums will have their own struggles which are similar to yours. They will then appreciate what is happening for you. A problem shared is a problem halved. Another benefit is that the babies will have little friends to grow up with.
If you are struggling with being a new parent or want to meet some other parents. Our post-natal support group runs once a week on a Thursday. Each week there is a new activity and chance to have a hot drink with other mums. It is free to attend. You can come if you have a toddler or older child as well.
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